The Paradox of Wanting to Be Seen DifferentlyWhile Merging in the Crowd

“Individuality is not about being different from everyone else. It is simply knowing why we choose what we do and being comfortable with it, even when nobody is watching”

By- Ms. Abantika Biswas, Student of B.Sc. Psychology (IV Year)

and Dr. Dhamodharan ,Assistant Professor, Department of Psychology

Easwari School of Liberal Arts, SRM University AP ( Amaravati)

“Individuality is not about being different from everyone else. It is simply knowing why we choose what we do and being comfortable with it, even when nobody is watching”

We are constantly in search of things that tell the world who we are. A style of clothing, a particular drink, a book, a hobby, even the kind of food we like, can become markers of our individuality. But spend five minutes scrolling through Instagram, and the distinction between personal taste and collective taste starts to blur. The same drink appears in every hand, the same bags hang from every shoulder, the same skincare routine on every face, and the same outfits, routines, and aesthetics start filling our feed. But the question is: where is it leading?

Is it harmful?

None of this is inherently harmful. People can genuinely like the same thing and have the same taste. However, this also raises an important question: How much of it do we really like and enjoy? Are we sure it’s really us, and we haven’t been influenced?

The algorithm that decides what we see may also be part of the reason. Social media platforms personalise what we see according to our interests and preferences. Research suggests that repeated exposure can shape our preferences and limit the variety of content we might encounter. If they are constantly showing us what we like, is it just a reflection of our likes, or are they helping us shape our preferences? Social media does not simply reflect our choices but can help construct our taste. 

What are we really into? What is it that we genuinely like? What is it that actually defines us?

Perhaps, these questions go beyond just what we consume online. Research also confirms that engagement with online content can curate an online identity that craves validation and acknowledgement.

The way for people to present themselves online with the increasing familiarity of social media. People did not respond with perfection but rather embraced the unpolished and raw. They engaged with pure chaos – raw, unfiltered and intentionally messy content. This gave them the flexibility to express their real selves and led them to casual, spontaneous content. However, that quickly became just another role to perform. What started as a rejection of perfection soon became a genre forextreme and “perfect” performances. The real personas have become anillusion.

What do you think being “real” means?

Does standing out from the crowd convert to being authentic? It’s a paradox – people can genuinely like something and yet seem performative. People can start curious or follow others’ footsteps to join the majority, but they may end up liking the activity. People enjoy hobbies while also associating with their performative identity. Their expression does not necessarily prove their interest to be performative. Oftentimes, people do not choose or commit to things that define them, but to those that make them appear the way they want to be seen.

Things that used to be personal have now become public statements. We perceive ourselves as someone to be managed so as not to disappoint others and avoid judgment. We have forgotten to enjoy the process and experience the moment. Instead, we pour all our energy into making ourselves seem perfect. We are constantly on the lookout to not break our character.

Wheneverpeople find something momentary, they take out their mobile without a second thought. Wanting to capture a moment thatfinds, it is not wrong, but immersing themself completely into documenting the moment and leaving no room for experience. Isn’t that losing the whole point? We waste our time documenting the moment, only torecollectabout it through the lens of what we captured.

But how much do we realise this ourselves? Are we aware of how much we suppress ourselves and adjust for others? The following statements highlight the experiences of young individuals regarding trends, social media, and self-expression. A psychological survey has clarified that the influence of these factors is not as straightforward as it may appear. The responses gathered reflect a diverse range of opinions from the youth.

One participant admitted that they had, at times, gone along with things they did not genuinely want to do. They said that their difficulty in saying ‘no’ often leads them to participate in things they do not like or agree with: “Because I can’t say no to people, I tend to do things which I don’t like and agree to things which I don’t agree to.” Maybe following others does not always necessarily mean pretending to like something.

Another participant said that they can speak up their mind when asked to do something. “If my friends are doing something and ask me, I say no if I’m uncomfortable.”

However, one participant has a different perception. The participant generally follows a trend only when they genuinely like it: “I follow things if I like them or else I won’t. Being left out and all doesn’t matter.” The two answers reflect that being influenced and being inauthentic are not the same thing. We may start doing or enjoying something because we saw others do it and end up genuinely liking it.

Are a person’s online and offline personas the same?

The difference between online and offline persons also came up, and a participant agreed that they are a “different person online and offline”. They added,“I am simply more comfortable doing things online than in person.” Perhaps being a different person online does not automatically make them “fake”. The online space probably gives people enough confidence to be more themselves in certain respects. Another participant said,“I am not a different person online and offline. My online posts are just reflections of what and how I aspire to be in the future.”

The central question is not just whether social media has made us less authentic, but also whether we have become too conscious of how our choices look to others. We can be influenced and still genuinely enjoy something. We can show an ideal version of ourselves without necessarily being fake. But the line blurs between choosing what we like and choosing what we want to be seen as liking.

Remember, Individuality is not about being different from everyone else.It is simply knowing why we choosewhat we do and being comfortable with it, even when nobody is watching.